
I think you are right on the mark Kayne saying it's how the individual uses the tool, in this case the spur. If I'm riding in a Hackamore, I am occasionally asked if I am against bits. I always reply "No, I'm not at all against bits, just how some people use them." Same with spurs. Really, the same with any tool.
Horses are very sensitive to touch that's why to see them swish flies with their tails, so it stands to reason that they will very much feel a sharp object being stuck into their sides, but that's not how you use spurs. But even though horses are very sensitive to touch, many horses will need more than just a touch with your leg or heel. So, I think that if you are good with spurs you can be lighter and more subtle with your leg cues, as a spur allows you to just touch a horse's barrel to get a response as opposed to banging on a horse with your legs and heels. We've all seen that type of rider. And that type would be picking themselves up off the ground if they banged on a horse while wearing spurs.
In the photos below, I'm use a short shanked spur with a rounded 10 point rowel. Short shanked because the heels on my short legs are not too far off the horse's barrel. People with longer legs, hanging further away from the horse's barrel, may need a longer shanked spur in order to touch the horse's barrel.
In the series of photos above, from Left - I have my leg "in neutral", just normal contact or otherwise hanging straight down. In the Middle photo I am starting to apply contact with the inside of my lower leg, heel and then spur - just rolling the spur into the horse's barrel if he did not move off of my leg. This should be a subtle movement. In the picture at Right, the horse's has given to that pressure moving his hind end away. You can tell by the different light in the photo and the horse's front left leg stepping forward.
I can't really tell you want to say to the lady who is anti-spur. She probably doesn't like guns either because of the way some people use them.

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